As my husband and I are raising our two (soon to be three) children, there are a few character traits we have made a priority to instill in them:
self control, patience, cheerfulness and being helpful. We've found that we have had the greatest success in training them up to have these traits in their hearts by teaching with example and keeping them close to us as we go about our daily lives--which means we have had to teach ourselves how to keep these traits front and center in our hearts and countenance (not always easy, but the more we work and learn in our own spirits, it continues to grow in our family).
There have been times, particularly early on in my mothering that I wanted to shoo a little one off. "Go play with your toys, mommy's busy. I really need to get this done." Now while I'm sure that still pops out of my mouth here and there (particularily when trying to meet a writing deadline!) I have tried to give my attitude a mega adjustment and see those little hands as being helpful while recognizing an opportunity to have my children work alongside me, whether it be in the kitchen, garden, etc. A valuable chance to not only teach them what I am doing, but to listen and talk with them. To spend time with them.
And busy little hands helping mommy have a lot harder time getting into trouble, then little hands left on their own somewhere else in the house!
My daughter recently turned two and I cannot be in the kitchen, whether its making a PB&J or a batch of cookies without her scooting a chair over, nabbing her little apron from the drawer, climbing up and seeing how she can watch and help. This brings her joy. Her favorite tasks are dumping ingredients that I've measured into the bowl and stirring. She's also my champion tortilla roller outer. Give that girl a rolling pin and she's one hot senorita in the kitchen.
Recently, after about an hour of working in the garden with my four-year-old son, I turned to him and asked, "What would you rather do? Play with toys or help mommy do a project." Now this wasn't a trick question and I was certain of his answer--toys. But he surprised me. After a moments thought, he turned to me and said, "helping mommy with projects."
I couldn't believe it.
So much of our culture today instills into our minds that our children need every toy on the market and millions of DVD's to keep content and be entertained. When in reality, they just want to be loved. They want to be noticed, appreciated and helpful. They want to look up into an adult face and hear the words, "You did an awesome job. I couldn't have done it without your help." And to parents with younger children, take advantage of that window while its still wide open.
There were a few life choices that helped. My husband and I have always talked about having very few battery-operated toys. We didnt want our children always seeking entertainment. Plastic tools, little shovels and rakes, balls, trucks, tractors, puzzles, books, and cooking utensils for mud pies and leaf soup are what our children have had since they were tiny tots. People sometime comment on my son who is always eager to jump out and dig in the snow or the dirt or to help an adult fix something. And I always say "Tools are his toys. This is his favorite thing to do."
While my children get plenty of time for free play everyday, hours in fact now that its beautiful and sunny out, we always manage to come together here and then to work side-by-side which is where so much of their schooling and learning takes place. And the results are a parent's greatest reward. Just the other day, while the kids were in the back yard having fun all on their own, I looked out to see that my son had hopped off his swing and was standing their giving his sister a few minutes of good-pushing time on her own swing. I saw then and there, that to be helpful is now a part of his heart. He's learning to value the time he spends with his sister and to think of how he can serve others, not grudgingly, but with a laughing, four-year-old heart.
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