When Characters Get Distracted

I recently razzed my friend while critiquing her manuscript. During a crucial "the sky is falling" kind of scene, her heroine had a thought that was completely off topic from the urgency at hand. I made a joke in the comment section, "Don't let her get distracted."

About a week or so later, I was editing a manuscript of mine that I hadn't touched in a few months (fresh eyes are always good, right?) As I was working my way through it, dusting away cobwebs, I kept finding instances where I let my characters get distracted. It's such an easy mistake to make. As writers, we are often focused on describing a setting in such detail, we forget that in some instances...no one really cares! Sometimes it just doesn't match the emotion of the scene.

I was editing my way through a crucial--heart wrenching--life altering--world shattering moment, when suddenly, my protagonist noticed a bucket of water in the corner and the line said, "He watched it, suddenly curious why he hadn't noticed it before."

WHAT?! Is he seriously thinking about how he never noticed the dumb bucket right now? I wanted to smack him. Here, O observant one, have a boy scouts badge. I couldn't believe I kept letting my characters get distracted. There I sat, tears forming in my eyes, and the moron was staring into space. Fabulous.

But I had to admit, it wasn't his fault. I'm the one who gave him the thought. Poor guy, I felt bad for being hard on him.

It's never intentional. We don't mean to have our characters throw themselves out of the scene. It's not like they get a text come in or something and say "hold on. I need to answer this." Really, it's just author error. We think we are setting the stage or offering up an interesting piece of information, but unless it pushes the story forward or offers the reader an interesting morsel to ponder, it's just taking up valuable real estate.

In a sense, its almost like a POV (point of view) violation. Of course its not technically head hopping, but is the character seeing that bucket in his moment of deep despair, or is the author jumping up and down, waving her arms, pointing at the stupid bucket and shouting, "Look, reader. I'm so clever! Do you like my carefully placed bucket? Isn't it interesting?!"

Oh, dear. We've got an author on the loose who doesn't know how to keep her thoughts to herself.

Its called author intrusion and it's VERY easy to do. We love to think our characters are beautiful, or handsome or really smart when truthfully, it can only come across if it's seen through the POV character's eyes. It has to be natural. It has to be organic. Otherwise the reader will notice. They're very bright people.


If you're in the villains head, he probably wouldn't be noticing that the wildflowers are in bloom or the softness of the breeze through his dark, greasy hair. He wouldn't think his laugh was sinister. He wouldn't think his thoughts were evil. And he certainly wouldn't think your Hero is debonair. Yikes. Major author intrusion ;)

Photo credit: The Princess Bride, 1987